Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
