Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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