There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I am available for nakedness
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
