I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
