i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
