My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
