He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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