dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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