Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
