well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
