That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize