I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
