thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
