i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize