there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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