and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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