So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
