What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
