Just mADE A PArabola og urine
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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