Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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