She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
