The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
