I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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