update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
