I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
