At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
