I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
