12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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