I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
