Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize