Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
