how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
