That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
