I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
