my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
no more duck duck goose at the bar
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
