and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
