this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
