Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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