I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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