I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
