watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
