Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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