yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
