dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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