I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize