I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
