return my video game
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
