she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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