yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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