Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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