i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
