Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
