its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
