Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Randomize