Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
