Acid is not a monday night drug
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
