she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
