Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
