My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
