you traded sex for a burrito?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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