none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
