dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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