i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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