they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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