hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
We talked him into tasing himself.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
