if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
