Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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