STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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