I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
