are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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