btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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