It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
