First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
