pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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