You were right. It hurts to walk today.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
