btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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