I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
