Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
