Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(805): View more from California

Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.

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(817): View more from Texas

what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?

Fav 9 4330 1049
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(302): View more from Delaware

Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.

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(615): View more from Tennessee

I'm watching ellen!

(1-615): View more from Tennessee

just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show

Fav 12 11847 1905
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(303): View more from Colorado

And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.

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(408): View more from California

My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.

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(206): View more from Washington

I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.

Fav 1 68 54
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(727): View more from Florida

So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.

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