You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
