doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
