So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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