Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
