Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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